novo what what: a tragedy in several acts

so i’ve had a crazy week. it’s actually been kind of crummy. mostly, i think that the crumminess has to do with the great insulin saga that my week has become. it’s a long freaking story, and so i have decided to tell it as a tragedy in several acts. today, i will publish acts one and two.

act one (whereupon our heroine commits a tragic mistake.)

i am not an organized person. this comes as a shock to the many who have gazed upon my font-like printing. but it’s true– i am one of those neat-on-the-outside, hot-mess-on-the-inside sorts of girls. if you were to open one of my desk drawers, you would find a kazoo, a plastic pony, and cab vouchers, nestled next to a stew of paperclips, pens, and a party hat. meanwhile, the baby panda is my exact foil. he is amazing with systems and efficiency! when i was first diagnosed with diabetes, i tried to convince him that we needed to buy one of those tiny dorm fridges to house my novolog insulin (which, if you are not aware, needs a klondike habitat). my beau vehemently disagreed with this energy- and space-inefficient idea, and instead found a tiny rubbermaid with drawers that fits on the top shelf of the fridge. it is the perfect home to my three-month insulin supply that i order from express-scripts, my mail-order pharmacy. in fact, it is so perfect that i oft forget about it.

just like i did until last friday night. (dramatic pause for effect.)

last friday night, i was looking for a new bottle of insulin. i opened the fridge, and then i opened the teeny tiny drawers of my rubbermaid container. and there was only one bottle inside all three drawers! dagnabbit. i had forgotten to reorder more insulin! luckily, express-scripts stores all of my prescriptions online, and i can just login (when i can actually remember my password) and renew! and that is what i attempted to do… and then i realized that my novolog insulin prescription had expired nine days prior.

still, i was not too worried. i would just ask the wonderful doctor wally to write me a new one on monday.

act two (whereupon our heroine’s high hopes are crushed like a tinkertoy under grandpa’s foot.)

first thing on monday morning, i emailed doctor wally. he is my doctor at the famous joslin diabetes center. i love him for two reasons: he is incredible at responding to all of my emails, and he carries one of those olde timey doctor’s bags. the joslin is also amazing. it’s a disneyland for diabetics, and one of the few places where i can go and not feel weird about the tubes and radio transmitters embedded in my stomach, and my compulsive carbohydrate counting. within minutes, doctor wally responded to my email with a phone number to call for a new prescription. i called that very number, and the lady on the other end said that she would send my online pharmacy a prescription for a three-month supply of my precious, i mean, my novolog insulin. i would not have to do a thing, she said. although i could check in 24 hours later to make sure that the prescription had been processed.

*** (<- as i learned in grade seven, these denote the passage of time.)

on wednesday morning, i decided to check in with express-scripts. (yes, i am aware that more than 24 hours had transpired.) first, i logged into my account online. nuffin’. so then, thinking that there was NO WAY that the JOSLIN OF ALL PLACES would have forgotten to call in my VERY IMPORTANT AND LIFE-GIVING PRESCRIPTION, i called express-scripts to see if maybe they hadn’t inputted the prescription in the system yet. and, to my utter surprise, the joslin diabetes center, disneyland for diabetics, had NOT called in my prescription. and furthermore, because it was so close to the holiday, express-scripts informed me that i wouldn’t get any prescriptions for up to two weeks.

PANIC. there was no way i could get through two weeks on my one remaining bottle of insulin!

immediately, i phoned the joslin again, and was basically all, “WTF? where is my prescription? HEY, I NEED IT TO LIVE!” (this is my favorite threat.) and the lady on the phone was all, “ummmm, hmmmm. [in a rushed tone] ohwewillsendthatouttoday.”

translation: it was NEVER SENT ON MONDAY. not good. and then i was all, “LADY! I WON’T GET THIS PRESCRIPTION FOR TWO WEEKS, AND I ONLY HAVE ONE BOTTLE OF INSULIN AT HOME. YOU ALSO NEED TO CALL MY LOCAL CVS IN ARLINGTON TO GET ME A FEW BOTTLES TO GET ME THROUGH THE NEXT FEW WEEKS. BECAUSE I NEED IT TO LIVE.”

the lady apologetically agreed to do just this.

tomorrow: acts three and four, whereupon our heroine encounters more roadblocks that she had thought possible, all in the quest for some life-giving insulin.

today’s book recommendation:

watchmen, by alan moore (author) and dave gibbons (illustrator)

recommended for: moth men, those who love comics, those who don’t

review: big blue guy walking around mars. another guy dressed as a giant moth. in other words, danged good.

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3 thoughts on “novo what what: a tragedy in several acts

  1. theredmenaceeats

    Even though I have been following this saga in real time, I cannot wait for the following acts! I heartily enjoy your description of your woes, even though they make me sad for your frustration. Joslin, I have my eye on you.

    Also, Watchmen! So awesome!

    Reply
  2. Abby

    Oh marone! I wish I had known all of this, I would have shaken my fist at Joslin. What a week! I hope the next sagas end better. Like little Laura curled up on the couch in a blizzard of snow and insulin.

    Reply
  3. Pingback: novo what what: the tragedy, acts three and four « lintzy on the loose

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