yesterday, i published acts one and two of this week’s insulin saga. here are the next two acts.
act three (whereupon our heroine’s week becomes terrible, horrible, no good, and very bad, and a culprit is identified.)
last thursday night was very cold. but i donned my freakazoid spandex suit and ran four miles from work towards home anyways. after my run was done, i was in high spirits! it was not a bad run, and i was actually pretty toasty. but then i had to wait for the bus for 15 minutes, which froze my spirits and my buns. i was basically tremoring when i finally made it on the bus (and gave the driver a stinkeye), but decided that i would stop at cvs to pick up my prescription before going home. so i hopped off the bus at cvs, and bounded into the warm shoppe. i waited in like a 10-minute line and finally made it to the front. i asked for a prescription for laura lintz. there was nothing. then i asked for a prescription under my maiden name, laura root. still nothing. then i said, in a trembling voice, “could it be in the fridge? it is insulin, after all.” nope. it was like i had never even existed. like i hadn’t been frequenting this cvs since 2004. i actually burst into tears as i slunk out of the store.
i ran home at full speed (it was 11 degrees out, after all) and immediately, while sitting in sweaty freakazoid spandex, emailed my dear doctor wally, pleading for his help. i received a response five minutes later, forwarding my email to two head prescription honchos, asking them to help figure out my “snafu.”
act four (whereupon our heroine’s head explodes. oh and she realizes that the bad guy was not joslin after all, but cvs all along.)
the next morning (friday) at 8:30 a.m., i received a call from a nice lady at the joslin. she said that the prescription HAD been called in to cvs the day before. and that joslin had a record of a conversation with a lady named susan! i asked her to call cvs again, and then call me back. she did just this, and told me that she’d spoken to a man named brian, who claimed that cvs had no record of me in their system, but if i came in, they’d help me. i immediately understood why this was the case, since they were calling in prescriptions for laura lintz, and cvs prolly knew me only as laura root. (you’ll understand if you’ve ever had to change your name… the number of things that you have to change is MIND-BOGGLING. so cvs in arlington did not even make it onto my list of places to call with my fancy new name, which may have been a tragic mistake.)
so i called cvs AGAIN, spoke to the dreaded susan, and explained the situation. she said that she would change my name in the system, and that all would be well when i went to pick up my novolog that night under the name of laura lintz.
so that night, i went to cvs. waited in a line for ten minutes. listened to the same music as i had the night before. this was pretty remniscent of groundhog’s day, a movie that i have always loved, despite my hatred for movies based on misunderstandings and/or kooky gags. i finally got to the front of the line, and asked the young lady at the counter for a prescription. for insulin. it might be in the fridge. my name is laura lintz.
AND THERE WAS NOTHING THERE. NOTHING. NO RECORD OF LAURA LINTZ. NO RECORD OF LAURA ROOT. DOODLY SQUAT.
at this point, i lost my mind. little bombs in my head started shooting off. i immediately got teary and said, “but my doctor’s office called BRIAN today! and then i talked to SUSAN. WHAT. THE. EFF.” the girl looked at me like i was one second away from jumping over the counter and walloping her. which i kind of was. so i gathered myself together, took a deep breath, and said, “i am not upset at you. i am upset at the situation. can i please talk to someone?” (i am not even lying! i really said this! who AM I?) and she said, “brian’s in his office. i don’t know when he’ll come out. would you like to wait for him?”
obvi, i waited. but after about five minutes, i started to wonder. what the H-E-double HOCKEY STICKS was BRIAN doing in his OFFICE when my head was clearly EXPLODING? eating CHICKEN WINGS? doing a SUDOKU PUZZLE? just as i was about to demand his head on a silver platter, he came strolling out into the store from a secret door, wiping his mouf with a napkin. (okay, i made that part up. there was no napkin.)
he went behind the counter, and started to shoot the breeze with a customer. meanwhile, i stood up and gave the biggest stinkeye of my life for one full minute before the young lady who had asked me to wait noticed me. then she tugged on brian’s sleeve and said, “um, this crazy girl needs to talk to you.” (okay, she didn’t say i was crazy.)
finally, he looked over at me. he actually remembered speaking to my doctor’s office, but then curtly reminded me that i wasn’t in the system. i then said that i had spoken to the elusive susan, who changed my information the phone that morning. obvi, the change never took place. but luckily, now that he knew who i was, he could fill the prescription! hurrah! he started typing away on his magical pharmacist’s computer, and then said, “uh oh.”
he skittered away, telling me that he had to check on “something.” one second later, he was back, informing me that the CVS IN ARLINGTON HAD NO MORE NOVOLOG INSULIN. not one VIAL.
but dear brian said that he would fax my prescription over to another pharmacy that did have novolog. one second later, i heard, “aw nuts.” apparently, the fax machine at his sister cvs pharmacy was busy! so he made a photocopy of the prescription, kept it, and then gave me the original, saying that he would fax the photocopy, and i could have the original in case there were any proglems when i went to the other cvs in porter square the next day.
tomorrow: acts five and six, whereupon our heroine realizes that the world is against her, but finds a ray of hope, and perhaps, redemption.
holes, by louis sachar
recommended for: palendromes and the people who love them
my thoughts: unique and perfect. cried at the end. then again, i cry at mastercard commercials.