emews.

yesterday, i received a letter from my friend the baby (not to be confused with the baby panda) who lives in france.  that’s right, a letter! with air mail stamps!   back in the olden times (pre-2002), i used to be a prolific letter writer and recipient.  and now, the baby’s letter is the first that i have received in maybe a year.

many folks bemoan that letter-writing is becoming a lost art.  it’s true.  it is.  but maybe that’s not so bad– email, despite everyone’s complaints about its lack of formality and tone, is a more user-friendly letter-writing option in these economic times. (ha!  sorry– “in these economic times,” although not really at all relevant to my point here, is my favorite cliche these days.) i would like to argue that MORE writing output is being generated now, mainly because the turnaround time is so speedy.  and because of that speedy turnaround time, you can capture those quirky details of the everyday.  and we all know that i love quirky.

sometimes, when i am bored or down in the dumps, i like to look at old email conversations between my sister and me. i like to think that we are both hilarious, especially in the written word. we have really deep thoughts, as is evidenced by this amazingness, circa 2005:

email from laura to little helen, upon hearing that helen was unsatisfied with her bagel luncheon:

dearest helen,

i am so sorry that the bagel only stimulated your hunger and did not sate you. perhaps if you had poured some cheddar and broccoli soup in between the two slices of bagel, you would have felt differently. also, the baby panda says “baaaag-l.” i do not understand his suburban ways sometimes. also i was at finagle a bagel yesterday and guess what! they will, for a small charge, scoop out the inside bread part of the bagel in order to make it healthy! is that not the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard? i think it is the stupidest thing i’ve ever heard, and, loooooord, i have heard some stupid things.

wow, i was just on gap.com today! they should have some pretty slammin shirts for your party tomorrow. it would basically be my dream come true if you got to the door of ryan’s house and then a good-hearted girl named chenille came out of the bushes and tied a shirt around your head and made you look slammin a la save the last dance. not that you don’t already look slammin, because you always do, but it would still be my dream if someone named chenille met you at the doorway and tied a shirt around your head.

love, your sister

and the email response:

dear laura,

hmm let’s see – first of all, that bagel thing is the DUMBEST thing i’ve ever heard! dumber than having a christmas tree room or a rumpus room with brown carpet and wood paneling or sugar-free coke (no offense)! what a silly silly thing. the only way that you could really take a bite of a hollowed out bagel would be if you filled the hollow parts with crem chez, and that just defeats the whole purpose! come on finagle a bagel. additionally, have you ever tried to prove to bp that it’s bagel and not bagggl by discussing the name of the place finagle a bagel?

love, your sister

hilarious!  and quirky!  take that, luddite letter lovers!  score one for the root ladies!  (and thanks for the letter, baby!  you made my week!)

book recommendation:

everything is illuminated, by jonathan safran foer

some people call this book too cutesy.  i’m not one of them.  it’s fantastic. and maybe someday i will name my dog sammy davis junior junior.

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5 thoughts on “emews.

  1. helen

    hurrayyyyyy for our past correspondence!!!! the only downside to emails instead of letters is that you can’t clutch emails to your chest as you read them, like they do in all movie adaptations of jane austen novels when reading letters. maybe i will start clutching my macbook to my chest when i get emails from you lonnie!!!!

    also, chenille jumped out of the bushes this morning at 8:15, and said “GIRL, you can’t go to corporations looking like that! wrap this wild printed shirt around your head and you will look SLAMMIN for the first day of school!”

    god i love ya!!!

    Reply
    1. rootlaura Post author

      you’re right! and you can’t emboss emails with a wax seal like they did in the scarlet pimpernel. remember when mom bought me that embossing stamp and candle wax? and then she wouldn’t really let me use it because she was afraid that i would burn my fingers?

      and that is so funny– chenille jumped out of the bushes in front of our house today, and gave me the SAME wild printed sweater set to tie around my head, too! it is board meetings, after all.

      gooey luck todu! have a broccoli and cheddar baaagel for sustinence.

      Reply
  2. Auntie P

    Uncle Tom also calls them baaaagls, it totally bugs me. I try to teach him EVERY time by telling him, “say bay then say gull, then say baygull.” It never works!!

    Reply
    1. rootlaura Post author

      auntie p,

      i don’t get it… where do these men come from? also, i am pretty sure you have a great talent as a speech therapist. or as a faerie!

      niece p.

      Reply
  3. Laurelin

    1) I too call them baaaagls, due to my speech being similar to those from Fargo, ND or named Sarah Palin. However, I would like to suggest you make Jess say this work, and see what happens. Please don’t hold a grudge for my elongated ‘a.’

    2) I too think you are high-larious in written form, so keep up the good work!

    Reply

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